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Editorial: Automobile Gimmicks

Ten or fifteen years ago, automakers started building cars that lasted longer. Engineering and material advances meant no more sun-cracked dashboards, flaking paint or 100k engine overhauls. This was great for the carbuyer, but the automaker said "Oh crap, who's going to buy new cars if the old ones last a long time?"

The Solution

Fill these new, long lasting cars with dozens of pseudo-useful plastic gadgets, gimmicks, whizbangers and gobschnoblers. It wasn't long before cars were filled with auto-dimming rear view mirrors, adaptive turning headlights, digital compasses, headlight washers, lane-departure warning systems, fingerprint ignition, digital curb feelers and servo-driven cup holders.

The Result

These overly-complex, plastic parts break down after the warranty is up. The car functions perfectly well, but broken widgets and gizmos make the care FEEL old and run down. Unnecessary sensors trigger constant dashboard reminders of broken sensors that aren't worth fixing. Eight-way electronic seats would only move in seven. Auto-folding mirrors get stuck. Etc, etc, etc.

In the end, you sell a perfectly good car at 70,000-100,000 miles and buy a brand new one with even more gimmicks. The endless cycle of useless bling begins anew.

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You sound like a conspiricy theorist!!
watch out fer the black helicopters.
I believe it

By Anonymous dad, at 10:03 PM 

How many brand new cars have you purchased? How many warranties have you burnt through? You're not the type of person to purchase the "wizz bang accessories".

Where did you get your material?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:58 PM 

I have three cars with over 100,000 miles each. I know what breaks and what doesn't.

By Blogger Travis, at 2:37 AM 

What was the mileage on them when you bought them? How long was the warranty good for?

What accessories like a compass or auto dimming mirror do you have that broke...?


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:53 PM 

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